A Snow Globe

 Okay, think of a snow globe that is NOTHING like a snow globe.  Rather it contains myriad particles of sand and dust, and dirt - and it has been shaken up and nothing inside is visible.  I stand and look at it from the outside, and wait for the different particles to settle down so that I can make out what is inside this globe. 

This is how the last year (and then some) has been for me - I have been shaken up, and yes, some particles have settled - on a physical level at least.  I like my home, the myriad of bureaucratic dealings are beginning to fall into place.  However, when I receive an email, or a SMS, or an actual letter, and have to fill in forms the inner turmoil takes over, maybe just a tiny bit less than previously but it is far from gone.  On a spiritual level - I feel I belong here. It is so good to be with my family and my close friends.  But there are times I feel I am between worlds.  My dreams certainly show me this.  The most recent theme is that I am with friends somewhere in America, either in a restaurant or at a cinema,  or driving somewhere, and suddenly I am lost.  I can't find anyone and I don't know where to go or whom I can ask for help. It is a struggle, and I wake and think, "oh, a dream," and then fall right back into it. Of course they are peopled by friends, by work colleagues, by patients, everyone and everything all jumbled up, and I can't find where I should turn to for help.

And then there is the dreadful reality of the Netanyahu government, the violence, the upheavals.  It is coming up to Memorial Day, and for me, and for everyone who has lost someone dear to them, the globe of dust is shaken up again and never quite settles, and all feels futile.

But there are moments also of everything feeling OK, especially like today when it rained a bit, and the air is cool again and dust free.

Tomorrow is the end of Passover.  Please let it be peaceful, even just for a day.

Bay Area Tryptich

These pastels are from photos I took over the last couple of years, while still living in the Bay Area. The current state of Israel is too upsetting to write about. Also, it is 100 degrees fahrenheit, so one doesn't feel like doing much!

Shabat

 Today is April Fool's Day.  In Hebrew it is Nisan - the month of spring, hope, renewal, passover.  The root of the word is Nes  (I am not kidding) which means miracle.

For me today the Nes is the quiet of shabat (where I live).  The cool air, the mild sun, the beautiful clouds, the fragrance of the trees and flowers that are blossoming. The pink blossoms of the almond trees, the uplifting fragrance of a shrub with light purple flowers whose name I do not know. The jasmine. The cooing of the doves, the chirping of the birds.  It truly does feel like a miracle amidst the turbulence and upheaval, the insecurity, and the fear that surrounds us.  We know we are on the very edge of a precipice, will we grasp and eat the strawberry, or will we fall to the bottom of the abyss?  Even the weather forecast portends the coming of a chamsin, (a heatwave) just in time for the seder.

So I choose to enjoy today, to walk outside, to sit on my balcony and read, and continue with my pastel painting.

Shabat shalom

Timing

 My timing is impeccable.  

The disastrous elections were held two days after my arrival in Israel.

It takes six months to get health coverage.  Before then I had to pay private insurance.  My national health insurance came through 2 days ago.  Two days ago I woke up without a voice, and a terrible headache! Perfect timing.

I do not have Corona - daily tests are negative - but obviously I have one of the many viruses going around.  Maybe it is to the delight of everyone that I have no voice.

That was the same morning my neighbour and I had to go to a lawyer to sign to the last testament. The poor man had his second leg amputated, then he had a heart attack, then the doctors told his partner that the infection was in his lungs.  We raced to the lawyer - i.e. we tried to race but that morning it poured and traffic was at a standstill. Eventually we arrived and went to the office of the lawyer who explained that the oral will was not enough, and the man had to sign.  His partner's sister who was with us told him that he is not exactly in a good way - not nice to say that he was on his last legs, because he wasn't anymore. The lawyer went to the hospital, the man signed, and 20 minutes later passed away.  The funeral took place the next morning - I did not go to that, and my neighbour didn't have the heart to ask if his legs were in his coffin. I presume they were.

Life ..............   And today another day of disruption.

A Movie

 And just like that my life turned into an Almodovar movie.

I was settling down last night and about to write on my Saturday in the West Bank.  Just before I was to write my cousin called from California - we haven't spoken in a while, and were deep in conversation when there was a knock on my door.  My neighbour asked me if I could do her a big favour.  Her friend's husband is in the ICU at Meir Hospital in Cfar Saba and her son and his husband needed to film him reading his will and they needed two witnesses -immediately. 

Off we raced to the hospital.  Her friend held my neighbour and sobbed loudly - we looked at each other, this woman I had never met before this second. I hugged her and she fell onto my shoulder sobbing.  Then very quickly we had to clean our hands, put on gloves, and gowns were placed over our heads.  Of course we had masks on, but more masks were placed over them.  Dressed in blue we were ushered into his room - machines beeping, red and green lines flashing.  The son and his husband dressed like us held up a phone. The man thanked us and said he is pleased to meet me, but wishes the circumstances were different. The son gave him a piece of paper and he read his last will, stating he is of sound mind, which he obviously was - it was his body that was not even close to being sound. He was undergoing dialysis, one leg had been amputated and his remaining leg was to be amputated. All this precipitated by his cancer. Once he read the will my friend stated her name and ID number, then I did the same. We signed the paper, wished the man whatever we could wish him in his current condition.

Then we went to Aroma Cafe.  His wife's estranged sister and her friend arrived. The wife screamed at the sister, and the world, and shouted about the doctors, shouted at herself, told us all that had occurred over the last few days.  He already had a leg amputated the day before, and apparently the doctor asked where she wanted the leg . 

WHAT? we all stopped arguing - where did she want the leg?  For what - what other parts will she be asked to keep.  Apparently according to Jewish law the body has to be buried whole.  This set us off about ashes, The Big Lebovski, cremations, funerals and we all doubled over with laughter. The woman asked the orthopedist if this is the meaning of "he has one foot in the grave?"  Well she told him, wait till tomorrow when you take of his other leg. maybe I can decide then.

To say this was a light relief from the present realities may give you an idea of the current situation.

Women in Red

I took this photo yesterday, International Womens' Day, from a bridge overlooking main highways.

Amongst all the demonstrations happening in Israel, is Women in Red - The government should not cross a red line. There are hardly any women in the Knesset now.  Women are being suppressed - separate buses, abusers are not found guilty, women are hardly represented in companies, women cannot come to the Western Wall in Jerusalem.  According to the religious, a woman's place is in the home, raising children, and, by the way, working - while the men spend their time studying the torah and praying.  Of course heads and arms and legs are covered - if things continue like this, we are not far from being ruled as the Taliban rules.  Well, since the demonstrations have begun, women have and are showing that this will NOT happen.

The red line will NOT be crossed.

 

A Few Pictures

 Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words

1. I don't know what is going on with my computer or blogsite, and sadly there are no Apple users, young or old who can help me.  I hope these pictures are published and what I am trying to write is published.  We are in the 9th week of ever increasing demonstrations with ever increasing numbers of people attending and demonstrating, despite the commands of the Minister of Security who himelf is a known criminal who was not allowed into the armed forces.  Who knows what is going to happen here:  A few choices 

a theocracy

a dictatorship

a banana republic

a civil war 

a complete fall of any kind of leadershipl

But demonstrations continue.  The wife of the Prime Minister chose to come to a hairdresser in Tel Aviv on a day of national disruptions.  Normally all the people who cater her go to her home, but no, she chose to come to Tel Aviv and in my humble opinion should have been left inside the hairdresser and the doors land exits locked, so there she would stay.  Insteads millions were spent to get her out.

Of course I have more to say, but I have to get this blogsite fixed.  Who can help me?