An answer to requests

The fact is, I don't know what to say anymore.  We stumble on, heartsick and heartbroken - no ray of light at the end of the tunnel (I HATE to use that word - tunnel). More soldiers killed, more bodies identified, more missiles, especially from the north now.  Insane, messianic, narcissistic, dangerous people in charge. Over 20,000 dead in Gaza.  A dark grey cloud of misery encompasses the middle east.

But, my dear dear friends have requested that I continue to blog - a sign of life, I suppose.  This will probably be my last entry for this year.  What will 2024 bring?  When I told a friend we are without hope here, I received a lecture "Victor Frankel .......... "  Of course I have read and studied, and in fact, met Victor Frankel.  I don't need a lecture.  For us without hope, life nevertheless continues - I ENJOY bird watching for example.  Just this week I  spent a lovely day in the beautiful lower Galilee watching and listening to songbirds in a forest of sorts, and walking around the fish ponds on Kibbutz Hazorea.  Kites, ospreys, mallards. Even though it has been a remarkably mild winter, rains have fallen and it is beautiful to see  the green covered Gilboa, and breathe in the fresh crisp air.  ALL of us in the group enjoyed the day, despite the fact that we ALL live without any illusions.  Most everyone has sons or grandsons in Gaza and up north, on the border with Lebanon.  If they are not directly related to you, then you know someone who has sons and daughters in the army or the reserves.  Some people have 2 and 3 children serving in the army and many haven't seen them for three months.  Israel is a very very small country.

I enjoy my art, yoga, Feldenkrais, cleaning spring onions, and learning Arabic, which is extremely difficult.  So life continues 

BUT, -  we are without hope.

A new year begins, but in Israel it is not observed - except by Russian Jews who enjoy Sylvester, the Christian community, of course, but I don't think any communities are up to wild partying this year.

Having written these uplifting words - I nevertheless wish everyone a better new year, with some hope of resolution.

My latest piece of art:   

Heartsick

 I think I am at an all time low, although goodness knows it is highly likely to get even more down as everything crumbles and deteriorates. I can hardly turn on the news  - neither Israeli, nor foreign news. The same goes for looking at the paper.   

67 days of fighting, 137 hostages, the numbers of soldiers being killed mounts daily, as of course the staggering reports of civilians dying in Gaza.  Starvation, disease, desperation. This is war.  There are absolutely no euphemisms, just sheer horror and disbelief at the plight of humanity. It will end at some time, because all things come to an end - but how, when.   No victors if there were expected to be such a thing. Everything seems futile.

And, despite the futility, and the despair, one continues - lighting Hanukah candles each night,  cleaning, spring onions, learning Arabic, attending yoga, painting, reading, knitting,  meeting friends, seeing family, jumping at explosions, learning to differentiate between thunder and explosions, cooking, crying, laughing.  The sun comes up and the sun goes down.  And the heart wonders just how much it can contain.

HORROR SHOW

This last week of the 'ceasefire' and the return of the hostages was like watching The Hunger Games, only far far worse.  It is a reality show that is excruciating.  Hamas is torturing us, as it tortured the hostages. From those who have been returned stories are emerging, in whispers, they are told in the eyes of the women and children. And today we hear that six men are dead -  and there are still 136 hostages.

Gender violence, torture - who cares? Two young brothers now returned were 'branded' with motor exhausts so that they could be identified if they escaped. Rape, dismemberment, torture, the United Nations close their eyes and block their ears. 

Is it a surprise that this week I walk around with a sense of grief and hopelessness. And now the fighting has begun again and alarms sound from the north to the south. We had a briefing ('re-briefing') on what to do when the sirens screech. What to do if there is an 'infiltration.'  What to do if you are at home, in a car, on public transport, in a shopping center, in a park, on a promenade.

Is it a wonder that I totally forgot that this is the season of joy and hope?  Of Xmas lights, smells of nutmeg and pumpkin?  Of pressure to buy? At least we are relieved of that!

My great niece and nephew have a new game - when they play outside and hear a car door slam or some such similar sound, they come running inside shouting "siren, siren," and laugh like banshees at the reaction of the people around them.   It is such fun.