OMG

The day after. I wake up and first thing on my mind is 'is this really happening. Did I dream this? I am experiencing this horror on a visceral level, I feel shaky, sick to my stomach, plus there is deja-vu - South Africa, the Nationalist Party getting stronger and stronger. Israel, The Likud getting voted in. Now America - a time of reckoning. A foreshadowing of things to come - I cannot listen to that man, and the thought of him and that silicone-filled Barbie doll with the cruel eyes inhabiting the white house. NO - replacing the refined, articulate, elegant, gracious, intelligent, beautiful Obamas No,no,no,no It IS happening. Today is day 2 after the election. Facebook is full of posts about the need to love, accept, forgive. For heavens sake people, be real. There is a time for everything, a time to grieve, a time to wait. Ecclesiastes. Let us allow ourselves time to absorb what has happened, and what is happening. We need time to absorb, to remain centred, to heal, and later to move forward. We need to be gentle to ourselves as well as to all those around us. We are all in pain.

Alarming

It is deeply upsetting to see the newspaper headlines and watch the news on TV. So much so that I have stopped reading or listening to anything at all about the abhorrent political campaign, if one can call it that. I remember when I worked in home health almost all the families I visited in the afternoon seemed to spend their days watching either Jerry Springer, or Maury Povitch ('who is the baby daddy?") or Dr. Phil, and judge shows, or equally awful spanish versions of reality TV and judge shows. I was just apalled to see the sick people I was working with intently watching other supposed humans pulling each others' hair, pummeling each other, screaming epithets. They seemed to be amused by all of this, and I thought to myself, just how low can everything go? Now we see it with our politicians and supposed role models, sinking lower each moment. Not to mention all the other horrors going on. So the other day I was driving somewhere and was listening to NPR, when I heard the most alarming piece of news. Global warming is causing a world wide coffee shortage!!!!! OMG, I think I can survive anything, but a coffee shortage!?! There followed long depressing interviews with Brazilian coffee farmers who are failing to produce any coffee because of the ongoing drought. My alarmed mind then hopped on to Africa where there is a drought, and wars. Likewise with Yemen. What does one do? Stockpile coffee? This, as I have said, is just too awful a vision of the future to even contemplate. Help .....

Yom Kipur - (another)

I have two dates that I will never ever forget. The date of Yom Kipur changes every year according to the Hebrew Calendar. The Yom Kipur War started at 2o'clock on a warm Saturday in Israel. That year the date was October 6 1973. That is the date that my life and my world changed. This year I awoke on 6th October. The sun came out like every other day. For everyone it was another day - to awake, perform morning rituals; listen to the news, drink coffee, exercise, meditate, whatever one does every morning. But I know that for me, and for everyone of a certain age in Israel, and the Middle East, it is a day that stands out crystal clear in our memories, and always will. I continued my day as I always do, but inside my head, like a tape on constant reply, I saw the events of that day. I remember the moment David Solomon came up to a group of us at the pool and said, "there is a war, turn on your radios." That was the day my husband, Raymond (Rafi) Lowenberg was killed by shrapnel from a missile fired by the Egyptian army at his bunker, Budapest, on the supposedly impregnable Bar Lev line. Usually I am in Israel at this time, but this year I am not, and so I was thinking how strange it is that for everyone here, this is just another day. But then I received a Whats App from a dear dear Israeli friend asking how today is for me. Later I came home to a message from another friend from Israel. Both of them are not presently in Israel, but for them too, this day is unique. For all of us who lived through those times, we are united by filaments of shared experiences and memories, and we shall always be, until we, too, pass from this earth.

Shrinking World

Since my ongoing purges, and upcoming move, I feel like my world is shrinking around me. My island of sanity is my bedroom, but even that is disappearing bit by bit. Down have come paintings, Amandebele beadwork, family photos - the walls resemble a face that has lost its expression. I gingerly pick my way between boxes. I have had to leave some things out of course; I still need to sleep in my bed, make my coffee, eat, wash, clean - all duties performed on the little island. Last week I was in the swamp of New York City and New Hampshire - despite the unbearably muggy conditions, a very good visit with family and friends and my absolutely delightful great niece!!!!!!! (Did I just say great niece?) My new home awaits me, all sparkling and clean. It looks so lovely I am loathe to put anything inside! Oh well, on to a new chapter.

Prescience

I take absolutely no pride in my knowing that this would be happening sometime this year. I felt it in the bone-dry winter. I felt it in the first tendrils of the fog. I knew it when homes on our street began to sell for over a million dollars. I rent an apartment in Albany which has no rent control. I have lived in my lovely townhouse for 20 years - the longest I have lived anywhere in my life. Up to now our rent has been very reasonable, although it is steadily increased each year. Each year I think, OK, still affordable, especially in the light of the sky-rocketing rents all around us. But I knew the day would come .... I am extremely thankful and grateful that, without looking even, I found a lovely affordable place just two miles from my present home. On Friday July 29th I informed my landlord that I would be moving in a month's time. He was pleased for me. Then he said that on Monday August 1st all the tenants will be receiving a courtesy notice to inform them that as of January 1, 2017 the rent will be raised by $355.00! "You can throw that letter away," he said. On Monday August 1st the letter arrived, and I threw it away.

Post Purge No. 2

Soooooo annoying, my last post was meant to be three completely different 6-word sentences, each on a new line. That is how I entered them, but that is not how they were published - a continuous run-on format! I tried to edit but the powers that be would have none of it. The best I could come up was to add a full stop at the end of each sentence. I am in a writing group and we meet once a month. A few months ago one of the members instructed us in Haiku, and we tried them. I loved the distillation - right down to the essence. On Sunday she introduced us to the 6-word memoir, and again, I love the form. The distillation, and that is what I wrote post purge. Of course my purge itself is a distillation, getting down to the absolute essentials of the 'stuff' that surrounds us. A number of people were horrified that I had thrown away both photographs and my journals. I listened to them and understood their sentiments, but I have harbored no regrets. The purge is continued - and I will report again!

Post purge no. 1

"A lifetime's memories in the trash." "Here and there, garbage is everywhere." "Memories have dispersed, floating in ether."