Our new normal

 

This is our new normal - three years in a row (or more).  Three years of enormous, deadly, catastrophical, unprecedented fires brought upon by climate change and our way of life - moving into wilderness areas, urban spread.

Our new normal happens earlier each year, and lasts longer.   

This year we have learned some new terms - mitigation, herd immunity, flattening the curve, - some new ways of being - isolated, socially distanced, masked

My vocabulary has catastrophically decreased

Unbelievable

horrendous

and a very appropriate word in Hebrew "hazui"  which means hallucinatory

This is for the most part, all I have to say.

Of course to top it all we are in the midst of a pandemic

Condensed version of the first couple of days of this week

 It has been very hot - unusual for August.  Hot and humid.  MOST unusual.

I watered my little bit of earth Saturday evening.  Early Sunday morning I was awakened by what I took for deer outside my window making rather a racket.  Then I heard rain - RAIN in mid August.  Thunder, lightning, absolutely unheard of.  But indeed, this happened.

The stifling heat has continued. I do what I learned to do in Israel, when we didn't have airconditioners. Pull down shades and make everything dark as possible.  Open up the house when the sun goes down.  And the sun goes down in a  breathtaking fashion.

Yesterday I took my car to the car wash.  This morning I awoke to the stifling heat with streaming eyes and the smell of .... smoke, ash.  I decided to go for a walk at the Berkeley Marina where at least there may be somewhat of a cool breeze.  My clean car was covered in ash. I made a futile attempt to wipe it off  While doing so the driver in a car coming down Stockton stopped next to me.  An Indian gentleman said "ash because of the fires. Bad air because of the fires."  He is right - I nodded sympathetically and we wished each other well.

I arrived at the Marina and parked my car.  A woman was just getting into her car in front of me.

"Lord," she said. "It is hot - go by the bayside. Also, you can't see nothing - the air is so bad." I nodded sympathetically, and she continued.  "My son is near Japan on the Ronald Reagan," the man in the White House doesn't know what he's doing. A ripple from Japan comes across the pond toward us. 

What he doin? Building walls - taking breasting babies from their mothers. It aint right. Sending those border police to cities, helicopters on us?  It aint right. And now the Post Office - and all them black people being killed by the cops, and everyone sick and dying. It aint right."

What his daughter and Melania doin"? What they know?"

I kept nodding in acquiescence - but each time I opened my mouth (under my mask) to say something, she carried on.  Her mask was under her chin, as she had finished her walk - perhaps it was easier for her to speak.  Also, I agreed with every single thing she said.  

She got ready to get in her car. As she opened the door I said "we have to vote."

"Right she said," turning on the car, 'and we got to keep on laughin.'

"Take care," I waved as she left.

It is wednesday - the week is far from over.

 

Malaise

I am not sure whether anyone is reading my posts.  If there is someone out there in the ether, you may have noticed that recently there have been no new entries.  I feel that I am experiencing somewhat of a covid-induced malaise.  It is not a true depression, but I am definitely not gliding along on a pink cloud of joy and happiness.

Objectively there isn't much to feel optimistic about.  This pandemic continues unabated, and I think the reality of what is happening cannot be absorbed all at one time. But every few days a little more sinks in. I speak to family and friends in Israel.  I was supposed to go there in April - when we realised that was not going to happen I thought I would visit around Rosh Hashanah.  That is obviously not going to happen - and maybe not next April either - who knows when.  

A cousin in South Africa had a knee replacement and I had entertained thoughts of going there to help. I am comforted that she does have support of family and friends - but the fact is she is far away.

Our world has changed, and is changing, and we do not have any roadmaps, either on a personal or a global level.  My dreams show me how I am floundering - an ongoing theme of having to go somewhere that is familiar, but now nothing looks the same and I just can't find my way. None of the roads I knew are quite the same as I had remembered, and they don't arrive at wherever it is I want to go.

I have had night time hallucinations of someone standing at the foot of my bed looking like a cross between a masked alien and an insect.  I also dreamed of a big dog swallowing my mask. I heard the dog gulp it down and called the vet who said it will cost me $5,000 to operate.  I was quite desperate as I did not have the money, or if I did spend it,  I would have nothing left.

Unmistakably themes of anxiety!

And I feel increasingly anxious as the orange monster sends out storm troops to cities, threatens to postpone elections, on and on.  Democracy hangs in the balance. Climate change (which doesn't exist) is threatening our very existence.  

OK - I get it.  Of course I am experiencing a malaise, to be out singing and dancing from the rooftops would be delusional.  To top it all, I think I should be expressing non stop gratitude for my situation, which is, in fact, not so bad.  After all, I do have a home, I can pay my rent, I do have friends and family, I am back in art class, I do have food -  yes, I am grateful, but not ecstatic!

Sorry. 

Dipping my toes

Recently I have begun my first teetering tottering steps toward venturing into the world outside of my immediate surroundings. i

The first time felt like when I walk on hot sand on a beach. Waves foam onto the sand, then recede, leaving tiny little holes in the wet sand.  It looks  inviting, so I  tentatively dip my toes  into the water, and a feeling akin to pain and shock moves up from the soles of my feet, and I quickly step back onto the hot sand. Again I put in my whole foot, then the other one, and then ... with a gasp I run in and dunk my whole body and stand up feeling refreshed and exhilarated.

Well, this is a bit of an exaggeration - I have not put in my whole body as yet, but yes, my toes are testing the water.

My cousin invited me to an outdoor dinner in her lovely garden in the Berkeley Hills.

It took a while for me to decide whether or not to go -

'Where has she been, who has she seen? Has she had any contacts with people outside of her family?  - I began an intensive interrogation.  After deciding I would go I drove up into the hills wearing a  down jacket and socks because the evening was turning into a typical summer evening here in the Bay Area - cold and foggy.

Three of us sat  at appropriate social distances around the table, shivering, drinking wine and eating her always delicious food.  The evening was delightful. When I left the fog had socked in and I hadn't driven at night in such a long time.  As I wound my way down the hills there seemed to be an uncommon amount of animal life, deer, raccoons, skunks. 

I recently finished all my knitting projects and was eager to embark on a new project - a sweater.  But of course, yarn shops are only open for curbside pickup. If there is one thing I HAVE to feel before I buy it, it is yarn, so I resigned to wait until shops would reopen.

Now there is a marked uptick in infections and quite obviously shops will not be open for a long time. A friend sent me a link to a service offered to knitters - I could arrange for a face time appointment to look at yarns.  I decided I would try it, and it turned out to be a pleasant experience and I purchased yarn and went to pick it up curbside a few days later.  I was really apprehensive - what if the texture and the colour both weren't OK.  I parked outside the shop, donned my mask, knocked on the door and a hand appeared from behind the door and handed me a bag.  Muffled exchanges of greetings and thanks, back into the car and I took out a skein  -  perfect! The colour is lovely and the yarn indeed felt soft and inviting, just as I had requested.

Maybe this new life will work!

Before The Sickness Came

On one of my neighbourhood walks last Friday I met a mother and her three year old daughter. The mother and I spoke about the problem of gophers.  She told me that when she plants her shrubs she puts them in wire cages underground  Apparently this keeps the gophers out, for the most part. However, her daughter loves to see the gophers, and mom feels a bit bad about what she has done.  Her daughter went to a pre-school, she told me, and she is not sure what is going to happen now.  Suddenly the daughter interjected and said

"before the sickness came"

Yes, of course, the sickness has changed our lives over the past few months.  But the great sickness that has befallen us started very long ago.  And I am talking about the sickness of racism, hatred, social injustice, economic inequality.

I grew up under apartheid and every single day of my life I was witness to, and a participant in, the regime.  I grew up seeing people brutalised because of the colour of their skin.  I grew up under fear of the regime, and what they did to dissidents.  I chose to leave, fondly imagining that there were places that were different. That people were free to live as they pleased.

I went to Israel and discovered hatred and fear also, and I am not even talking about the hatred and fear of the Arabs.  The Sephardic Jews did not like the Ashkenazi Jews, the German Jews looked down on the Russian Jews, the Sabras (native born Israelis) looked askance at the immigrants.  The secular hate the religious.  And the hatred and fear of the Arabs did not unite the Jews.

When I lived in England I was spat upon and called a 'foreigner.'

Granted, none of these countries had an Apartheid regime.

Then I came to America and worked in low income communities outside the cosy, politically correct, immediate bubble of the Bay Area.

Hatred, ignorance, fear I came to realise, are apparently endemic to human nature.

The opposite is true as well, and we can learn to recognise and acknowledge our prejudices, and listen to others and understand them.  We can even learn to live productively together.

My hope is that with the ongoing protests of the killing of George Floyd, and against the police brutality and inequalities of our lives, that we will begin to see some change.

 I saw this sign on today's walk, and hope that it is right, for every aspect of our lives.

Before the Corona Came

Anyone who knows me is aware that I like children. 

On my daily walks I have come across what appears to be a lovely nuclear family who live just a block away.  From the time I first saw them we have shared smiles and waves as I cross to the other side of the street.

Two days ago I walked their way and saw the boy and the girl on the pavement outside their home. Of course we waved and smiled.  Then the girl said to me "we are building an obstacle course."
The garage door was open and inside were rope ladders attached to poles, a swing, some hoops.  Mom stood outside tugging at some object she was obviously going to set up inside.

I smiled and said something like 'this is lovely,' and the little girl said to me, "before the corona came we used to go to a gym."

That sentence broke my heart - which seems to be easily broken these days.  I looked at mom and said "oh my goodness, before the corona came" and we smiled wanly at each other. Dad came outside and I continued on my way, waving bye, and dad said "we'll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.

They are 5 and 7 years of age respectively.  Old enough to have strong solid memories of the world "before the corona came."  Their worlds have changed as drastically and as irrevocably as all of our worlds have changed.

We all know of the world 'before the corona came' but none of us are aware of what the world will be like afterward - if there ever is an afterward .......

Covid Continues

I was a little ill over the weekend (NOT the virus, apparently there are other things) and so was out of commission.

I resumed my walks a few days ago, but walked through the flatlands. Today it was back into the hills and look what I found.  So uplifting.

As car washes have reopened, off I went to my local car wash.  After the cashier and I exchanged pleasantries - him at the joy of being back to work, I began the drive into the tunnel of flashing lights and jets of water.  OMG - I almost forgot what to do - close windows, car in neutral, foot off brake - so much to do at once!  Then it was off to fill up - mask, gloves, petrol pump - what to do next? My sluggish brain began to reset.  I realised I am absolutely unprepared for the rigours of the world outside my house and its immediate surroundings.

A strange push/pull has begun.  There are those who want life to return to 'normal.'  It is hard to fathom that, in fact, it will never return to what was.  And of course, our idiot and his cohorts continue to model their defiance and arrogance.  No masks on visits to clinics and factories!!!!!! Demonstrate for your 'freedom' and 'rights' without any regard to the rational voices of science, or to our fellow human beings.

OK, enough, rant over.

For the most part I have eschewed listening to news or even watching TV, other than as a background evening distraction - I love the nature shows as  well as those on the origins and culture of the Pacific Islanders, the Pomo Indians and so on.

So, that is where I am now, as life with covid continues ......