A Snow Globe

 Okay, think of a snow globe that is NOTHING like a snow globe.  Rather it contains myriad particles of sand and dust, and dirt - and it has been shaken up and nothing inside is visible.  I stand and look at it from the outside, and wait for the different particles to settle down so that I can make out what is inside this globe. 

This is how the last year (and then some) has been for me - I have been shaken up, and yes, some particles have settled - on a physical level at least.  I like my home, the myriad of bureaucratic dealings are beginning to fall into place.  However, when I receive an email, or a SMS, or an actual letter, and have to fill in forms the inner turmoil takes over, maybe just a tiny bit less than previously but it is far from gone.  On a spiritual level - I feel I belong here. It is so good to be with my family and my close friends.  But there are times I feel I am between worlds.  My dreams certainly show me this.  The most recent theme is that I am with friends somewhere in America, either in a restaurant or at a cinema,  or driving somewhere, and suddenly I am lost.  I can't find anyone and I don't know where to go or whom I can ask for help. It is a struggle, and I wake and think, "oh, a dream," and then fall right back into it. Of course they are peopled by friends, by work colleagues, by patients, everyone and everything all jumbled up, and I can't find where I should turn to for help.

And then there is the dreadful reality of the Netanyahu government, the violence, the upheavals.  It is coming up to Memorial Day, and for me, and for everyone who has lost someone dear to them, the globe of dust is shaken up again and never quite settles, and all feels futile.

But there are moments also of everything feeling OK, especially like today when it rained a bit, and the air is cool again and dust free.

Tomorrow is the end of Passover.  Please let it be peaceful, even just for a day.