Nature

 I am struggling with a heading.  The blessing of nature, the indifference of nature?  The contrariness of nature?

On Tuesday I went to Emek Beit Shean with the birding group.  It was a cold, windy, rainy day, the kind I love.  The valley, about an hour and a half drive from where I live, in the center. It is the eastern end of the beautiful Jezreel Valley where I lived on the kibbutz, and is bounded by the Gilboa mountains, and the Jordan river.  At this time of the year, in Israel, Tu b'Shvat (we went just one day before)  which is the holiday of the new trees.  Schoolchildren go out planting trees, as does everyone wherever they are.  The mountains and the valley are covered in fields of emerald green, the spring flowers are beginning their brief and glorious display.  Red and white anemones, pink, mauve, and white cyclamen.  The citrus trees are loaded, there are carpets of wild mustard dotted with deep mauve lupine.

The birds, to my amazement seem to love this weather as much as I do. The fish ponds are full and the skies are full of the wonder and beauty of nature. 

BUT, we had all heard the terrible news that morning, 21 soldiers killed by a blast in Khan Yunis.  And yet, nature, oblivious, moves on and does what it should, when it should.  Fields of red poppies grown around Kibbutz Beeri, the scene of the October 7 massacre.   Us humans do terrible things to each other, but nature continues, through it all. It is changing because of climate change, but it will adapt, and continue to cause wonder.  It continues throughout droughts, floods, avalanches, - it survives, and will survive, even if we as a species do not.

And, as we were leaving, a rainbow.

                                            

 

Both Inspiring and Sombre

 Last night I attended the protest outside the Habima in Tel Aviv.  We are still at war, and these demonstrations have only recently restarted.  Even so, there were about 20,000 people who attended.  Many many thousands more demonstrated outside Bibi's house in Caesarea.  20,000 people - Israelis, stood silent for at least a minute in honour of those who have been massacred, murdered, raped, taken hostage, killed and wounded in the line of duty.  20,000 sombre people calling for elections to be held now. We do not want the messianic, self serving, narcisssistic, egotistical people who do not have anyone's interests, but their own, for even a minute longer.  It is because of them and their divisive corrupt 'leadership' that we are in this tragedy. We want the country to return to the moral standards and ethical standards we worked for, and died for. The people who spoke were those from the Otef (the kibbutzim and settlements near Gaza) - people whose children, parents, grandparents, babies, were slaughtered. People whose loved ones were taken hostages. People who were hostages that were killed in error by the Israeli Defence Forces. Mothers of soldiers who are fighting now.

And then we walked to the Hostage Square to hear sisters, parents, friends, speak.  106 days; Today 107, tomorrow 108 - we can count.  Please let the counting stop.

 

A Cold and Rainy Day

Today I went up to Shoresh, a community nestled in the hills of Jerusalem.  It was blustery, rainy, and FOGGY - reminding me  of the Bay Area.  Amongst some of the things I miss are the fog enshrouded bay and the gothic redwood groves.  I left knowing I would miss these vistas, but they are forever a part of me,  within me here and now. The perspective of space and place and time in which we carry out our lives is so linear, and compartmentalized,  but it is really not all packed into separate containers. Inside we carry our young selves, our present selves, our future selves, all co existing in a pool of place and time.

I can close my eyes and be in the bush in South Africa.  I am on the beach in Ramsgate and feel the hot golden beach sand burn my feet as I jump from towel to towel to the Indian ocean. I feel the waves crash down on me and carry me, laughing, to the shore. I smell that indescribable scent of a night along the northern California coast - an intoxicating mix of pine, smoke from wood cabins, redwoods, the tang of the delicately salted air from the Pacific.

Everything is here within me as I look at the TV and hear the opening statements of the trial against Israel in Den Haag.  I for one, am deeply saddened by the war and the countless (no, there is a definite count of Palestinian dead - 22,000) in Gaza, but why have no countries spoken about Hamas, and the horrors they perpetrate? Of the fact that Israel was attacked, pillaged, raped?  And the hostages?  My very being, with all that it contains, all the memories, the past and the present, cries out, but noone seems to hear.

An answer to requests

The fact is, I don't know what to say anymore.  We stumble on, heartsick and heartbroken - no ray of light at the end of the tunnel (I HATE to use that word - tunnel). More soldiers killed, more bodies identified, more missiles, especially from the north now.  Insane, messianic, narcissistic, dangerous people in charge. Over 20,000 dead in Gaza.  A dark grey cloud of misery encompasses the middle east.

But, my dear dear friends have requested that I continue to blog - a sign of life, I suppose.  This will probably be my last entry for this year.  What will 2024 bring?  When I told a friend we are without hope here, I received a lecture "Victor Frankel .......... "  Of course I have read and studied, and in fact, met Victor Frankel.  I don't need a lecture.  For us without hope, life nevertheless continues - I ENJOY bird watching for example.  Just this week I  spent a lovely day in the beautiful lower Galilee watching and listening to songbirds in a forest of sorts, and walking around the fish ponds on Kibbutz Hazorea.  Kites, ospreys, mallards. Even though it has been a remarkably mild winter, rains have fallen and it is beautiful to see  the green covered Gilboa, and breathe in the fresh crisp air.  ALL of us in the group enjoyed the day, despite the fact that we ALL live without any illusions.  Most everyone has sons or grandsons in Gaza and up north, on the border with Lebanon.  If they are not directly related to you, then you know someone who has sons and daughters in the army or the reserves.  Some people have 2 and 3 children serving in the army and many haven't seen them for three months.  Israel is a very very small country.

I enjoy my art, yoga, Feldenkrais, cleaning spring onions, and learning Arabic, which is extremely difficult.  So life continues 

BUT, -  we are without hope.

A new year begins, but in Israel it is not observed - except by Russian Jews who enjoy Sylvester, the Christian community, of course, but I don't think any communities are up to wild partying this year.

Having written these uplifting words - I nevertheless wish everyone a better new year, with some hope of resolution.

My latest piece of art:   

Heartsick

 I think I am at an all time low, although goodness knows it is highly likely to get even more down as everything crumbles and deteriorates. I can hardly turn on the news  - neither Israeli, nor foreign news. The same goes for looking at the paper.   

67 days of fighting, 137 hostages, the numbers of soldiers being killed mounts daily, as of course the staggering reports of civilians dying in Gaza.  Starvation, disease, desperation. This is war.  There are absolutely no euphemisms, just sheer horror and disbelief at the plight of humanity. It will end at some time, because all things come to an end - but how, when.   No victors if there were expected to be such a thing. Everything seems futile.

And, despite the futility, and the despair, one continues - lighting Hanukah candles each night,  cleaning, spring onions, learning Arabic, attending yoga, painting, reading, knitting,  meeting friends, seeing family, jumping at explosions, learning to differentiate between thunder and explosions, cooking, crying, laughing.  The sun comes up and the sun goes down.  And the heart wonders just how much it can contain.

HORROR SHOW

This last week of the 'ceasefire' and the return of the hostages was like watching The Hunger Games, only far far worse.  It is a reality show that is excruciating.  Hamas is torturing us, as it tortured the hostages. From those who have been returned stories are emerging, in whispers, they are told in the eyes of the women and children. And today we hear that six men are dead -  and there are still 136 hostages.

Gender violence, torture - who cares? Two young brothers now returned were 'branded' with motor exhausts so that they could be identified if they escaped. Rape, dismemberment, torture, the United Nations close their eyes and block their ears. 

Is it a surprise that this week I walk around with a sense of grief and hopelessness. And now the fighting has begun again and alarms sound from the north to the south. We had a briefing ('re-briefing') on what to do when the sirens screech. What to do if there is an 'infiltration.'  What to do if you are at home, in a car, on public transport, in a shopping center, in a park, on a promenade.

Is it a wonder that I totally forgot that this is the season of joy and hope?  Of Xmas lights, smells of nutmeg and pumpkin?  Of pressure to buy? At least we are relieved of that!

My great niece and nephew have a new game - when they play outside and hear a car door slam or some such similar sound, they come running inside shouting "siren, siren," and laugh like banshees at the reaction of the people around them.   It is such fun.

Thanksgiving??????

My heart is a prisoner in Gaza.

 07/10/23.    

BRING THEM HOME. NOW

My computer reminds me today is Thanksgiving.  My favorite holiday in America now all but forgotten - no celebrations here, there never were of course. It is a uniquely American celebration.  But today, of all days? The day 50 hostages, mothers and children, were supposed to have been returned.  I am not sure whether I wrote this in any previous post, but I will only believe IN their return if and when it actually happens, and we see it happening. This is beyond cruel, in a series of ongoing cruelty and torture that began on October 7th. 

So, to all of you whom I hold dear in America, enjoy your families, treasure your children, and your parents.  Be thankful for warmth and love and nourishment. Be thankful for the food and the blessings in your life. 

And let us hope and pray they are never taken away.