Up and Down

When I was growing up in Johannesburg,  The Rand Easter Show would come around once a year.  Johannesburg was part of an area known as the Rand, which included some other towns and farming areas.  The Show lasted about a week or 10 days, I don't remember anymore.  It was a fun event - like a great big fair.  New farming equipment and the latest model cars were on show.  There were people selling different fares.  We could go for rides on animals  We bought popcorn and candy floss - I remember sticking my tongue into the fluff for the first time, and how it melted and tasted sort of warm-ish, and transformed from a cotton ball into melted sugar strips.  There were also all sorts of fun rides, houses of mirrors, fun things. I must have had a sensitive vestibular system as a child - some of the rides really scared me - I remember screaming for dear life as the roller coaster began its downward swoop - my stomach lurched outside of me, and I was grateful when the ride ended. I did not get on it again. There was something else, like a round wall and you stood with your back to it and it began spinning around and the floor dropped away and one was stuck to this wall in odd configurations.  Not for me.

Why am I remembering all these things - on Saturday 4 hostages were rescued - the country experienced euphoria, mixed with fear for the others still somewhere in Gaza, the officer killed, all the Palestinians killed - and the eternal - what next?  As a friend said to me, life here is a roller coaster.

That exactly describes the way we are living since that "black Saturday."  As I said, I was not a great candidate for the carnival rides.  I experience a strange feeling of discombobulation.  I feel disoriented, even, in a way, disembodied.  I think most people feel the same.  It is not a good feeling.