All Gone

 

And just like that .......

In two hours - everything gone, in a 200 cu. ft. container.

What I don't think will be gone in such a short time is the feelings that come over me every couple of hours over the last few months.  A feeling that is hard to describe, sort of between horror, or a sinking feeling - a quickening of my breath, a racing of my heart - 'where is ...? Did I pack it? and if so, in which box? and why? A racing through taped boxes, a fumbling through objects - where is it, my keys, my passports, a necklace, a pair of shoes, a painting, my glasses.   And now, when the feeling overcomes me as I am sure it will, "too late now - I can't go and unpack everything again - too bad - didn't need it anyway, "

And now, what am I going to do with my time?  

And just like that ......

So after the packers drove away I went on a long meandering walk up and down the hills of El Cerrito.  It is summer and a heavy layer of fog lies over the bay - Mt. Tam, the Golden Gate, and San Francisco appear then disappear. Mounds of dirt from busy gophers crumble onto sidewalks.  Concrete fences erected to shore up the gardens on the inclines tilt precariously. Hollyhocks and roses - loquat trees, bushes of rosemary, the leaves of the silver birch tree hang down  shining green and silver and grey like a pendant of jewels, magnolia trees still flowering, the jacarandas spread their purple carpets that are now turning brown, and crunch underfoot.  How I love this area, and these views, and these walks.  I will continue to savor them while I can.

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

This is what I have been doing, in between going to banks, recycling centres, shredding pounds of paper, making trips to the El Cerrito Recycling Center, Out of The Closet, Center for Creative Reuse. Back and forth, forth and back. Packing, unpacking, packing again, unpacking again, peering at documents on the computer, wiping my leaking eye, signing documents.   

Listening to the hearings in the background. Healing hours spent doing art, and more healing times making forays to the wonderful and inspiring Museums that we are blessed with.  Walking in the beautiful neighbourhood listening to easy books. Playing the spelling bee, avoiding the terribly depressing barrage of the news of our falling apart world.

All above is, I think, a good excuse as to the reason I have been quiet for so long!

Kafka-esque

 Today is the summer solstice - should this be a time of joy and light?  If so, I deeply regret that I am in the wrong place.  It may be the longest day of the year - which is nice.  Here in the East Bay it is also the hottest day of the year - up in the 90's, which is the norm for many other places, but not here - it is very hot and dry, and we all know what that portends .....

And I have just experienced yet another odd event.  I logged in to my bank account online, clicked on the transaction I wanted to make only to see a totally blank screen - nothing, nada, no matter that I followed the appropriate steps.  I called support and the woman who answered was, indeed, supportive.  Apparently I have pop ups blocked - she helped me unblock them.  I logged into the account again while she was on the line, clicked on the correct link, only to see a message that they are experiencing technical difficulties. Yes, she told me, they are, and they have been working on it all day.  I must try later or tomorrow.

On Saturday I received a new iPad.  I could get online help - which I arranged and spoke to Adel.  I had indicated that I wanted to learn more about the use of the ipencil which I had received several weeks earlier.  I hadn't yet removed it from its mail package.  Adel was excited to help and waited while I opened the ipencil and began to follow his verbal instructions.  No matter what I did - and I did EXACTLY as he told me, the fully charged brand new pencil did not do anything - that is, I wrote, tried to draw, paint, etc. with it, and the screen remained blank.  As blank and as virginally white as a plot of land after the first snowfall.  

Adel instructed me on other digital wonders and promised to send an email with all the instructions in a written format, so I could refer to them easily at any time.  As our session was ending he said he would put me through to tech support.  They would help with the pencil.

On came Jeff from tech support.  We spent at least 30 minutes, if not more, tapping the pencil, charging the pencil, hitting the pencil, dropping the pencil, eating the pencil.  His helpful conclusion was to immediately take the pencil in its packaging to the nearest Apple Store.  They would give me a working pencil.  Off I went to Fourth Street (Saturday afternoon means lack of parking, and a crowded Apple Store.). Eventually I found a parking space, and entered the store.  All these smiling young people in T-shirts and an ipad in their hand were helping customers.  At last a really helpful young lady asks what is wrong.  I explained the situation.  No problem, she assured me.. I followed her to the vicinity of the Genius Bar where she unpacked the pencil, puts it to a screen, and. ........ on the white screen 

Script appears.  Typed words appear.  A drawing appears.   

"Why was the tip removed," she asks me.  I told her this was what Adel and Jeff had instructed me to do.

So the 2 supposed genii helpers had given me the wrong advice.   AND - Adel never emailed me the other instructions.

Two days previously I called social security - I waited half an hour for my call, that was really important to them,  to be answered.  Of course they were experiencing an unusually high volume of callers.  But after it was answered - the woman helped me with my questions. She explained to me what I need to do after my move to Israel, and said she was immediately emailing two forms I would need.  I thanked her profusely and told her how much she had helped, we hung up after wishing each other good days, or evening, in her case.  

No emails followed.   

I called again - this time I waited almost an hour. I waited because I need this information. It is essential for my upcoming change of country.  When the call was answered it took a minute to explain what I needed and this woman immediately sent the emails.

So ---- all of the above is to explain why I am not experiencing unabated joy and light on this longest, hottest day of 2022.

A Rant

 I am on a rant - again.  Two days ago 21 school children and a teacher were killed in Uvalde in Texas. This evening on the news report the newscaster questioned some children who were in the classroom and survived, and some parents and she said "Tis is a community still in mourning ....." STILL what the hell does she think, they haven't even begun to process this horror - they are in shock - the mourning and anger and grief and disbelief only begin much later - and in fact, will never end. How dare she say STILL in mourning.

And the gun rights advocates ----- I have no words.

And then this morning (NOT mourning, morning) on one of my favourite NPR shows, the commentator had a program about the violence against minorities.  The Asian Pacific atrocities, the Black atrocities, and now all these children are from a predominantly Latino community  -  yes, all these communities have suffered hate crimes, shootings, etc. especially in these last dreadful two and a half years.  What she didn't even mention was hate crimes against Jews who have also suffered shootings, beatings, vandalism, etc.  Why is violence against Jews often not mentioned or written about?   I am sorry if I seem overly sensitive, but this omission in itself feels like a form of anti semitism.

EVERYONE is suffering - as white supremacy reigns.  Let us acknowledge this. 

Once Again

Almost a month since my last post ... hence the title.  Once again it has been a long time between posts, and I know how everyone is hanging on with bated breath, desperate for another entry.

For those of you who have read between the lines - yes, indeed, I will be leaving the US of A.  I have been here for 42 years!!!!! Longer than I have lived anywhere.  42 years of being ambivalent - or, a term I coined, 'trivalent' (South Africa, Israel, and USA).  I am sure that being ambivalent, or feeling torn, or not quite at home, is the lot of any immigrant - no matter the reason for their immigration.   

I rent an apartment.  My landlords, who are sometimes here, and sometimes in their other homes, returned for the summer about a week ago.  Although legally I have to give a month's notice,  I told them 6 months in advance. Apparently it was the push they needed - they have decided to sell this lovely home, and are in the process of looking into all that this will entail.  They have lived here 42 years - and they are from England.  I have South African friends who have lived here 30 years.  They too have decided to leave.

I alternate between being exhilarated and anxious!  I have begun the process of clearing out my physical space, which I did when I moved to my present apartment  six years ago!  Books, beads, yarn, paints, - I am just skimming the surface.  Quite alarming to realise what one accumulates, again and again and again.

And I am by no means a hoarder!!!

I have alternated the clearing process with goodbyes to dear dear friends.  Last week I spent in Texas - a guest of a most precious soul - days spent with food and wine and spirits of all sorts - and ..... yes to the disbelievers, I really had a great time in Texas!!!!! 

I ramble on ...........

Everything is Relative

 The following event happened on my recent trip to Israel.

I had taken the train to Tel Aviv to see a friend.  I left in good time to catch the last bus from Netanya to the Moshav my sister lives in.  I went via "Get Taxi" (Israeli equivalent of Uber) to the Hagana Rail Station.  From there I boarded the train for Netanya at 6.00 p.m.  All the passengers wore masks - under their noses, except for a young man sitting opposite me who wore his mask correctly.  It was beyond me to tell everyone to put their masks over their noses - they seemed to don them as a strange form of decoration that hovers above their chins.

The station names light up as the train nears each station.  After Binyamina I saw the next station was bound for Haifa, Hof HaCarmel.  It dawned upon me that I was not going to Netanya.  Who to ask?  I was not going to ask a chin-mask wearer, after all - Omicron and B-2 or whatever the latest mutation is, is raging.   Luckily the young man opposite still had on his mask.  He affirmed that I was not bound for Netanya and helpfully looked at his phone and told me exactly what to do.  To get off at Haifa, then go to Platform 2 for the train to Binyamina, and from there platform 3 for the train to Netanya.  I would get to Netanya ---- too late for the last bus so I would have to take a taxi.  I was somewhat put out. On the platform in Haifa I saw a very slavic looking man address the female Ethiopian inspector. Speaking english, he asked if the next train was to Ben Gurion (the airport.) She assured him it was. He then asked me if I was going to Ben Gurion - I told him I was not, but I was getting on the same train.  He asked whether I would sit with him. Then he said he is from Kyiv, and his wife had fled and was in Poland - Warsaw, he said. He was flying to Poland.  I sat with him until I had to get off and sent him blessings and good wishes and kind thoughts, and prayers, and on and on.  I thought I was put out by not getting my bus on time -  nothing at all.  

I got off the train and waved to him.   Then I took a taxi home.

In the Thick Of It

 Here I am, in Israel. I have been here for two weeks.  15 hours in a mask in a crowded plane is definitely not pleasant, but there were no incidences of air rage or even typical Israeli behavior.  The PCR test on arrival went without a hitch, and later that night I learned that I am negative and don't have to quarantine.  

Israel has experienced the coldest March in 70 years - cold, thunder, lightning, rainstorms, sunshine, wind, hail. The countryside is lush and green, carpeted in yellow daisies, poppies, lupine, the trees are in their full spring shades of pink, purple, and white glory. Birdsong fills the air, and toward dusk the jackals howl.

 Sometime into the end of the first, and the beginning of the second year of covid, and fires, and all the attendant upheavals, I made, for me, a momentous decision.  The time has come for me to return to Israel for good.  I have spent the requisite 40 years living in the diaspora.  It is time to come back. 

And so my sister and I have spent my time here looking at retirement homes and villages - what a way to spend a holiday!  In fact we have only looked at two places.  

There is one thing I have learned from my time on this earthly plane - when a decision is made from a place of clarity, the universe opens the necessary portals.

This entry is simply to keep you somewhat up-to-date  and much more will be forthcoming.