Ceasefire ???????

Well, a ceasefire - another ceasefire - endless bloody ceasefires.   Both sides claiming victories - of what???????  No one has gained a thing.  Lives lost, buildings and homes destroyed - again.  And how long will this present ceasefire hold?  

I feel hopeless, as I did when this all began - both sides accusing the other of starting this latest round. Hamas sents its 4,000 and counting missiles first, but they insist Israel began this by stoking the unfortunate incidents on El Aksa.  These incidents, Israel insists were stoked by Hamas who wants to gain control of the West Bank and take over from Fatah.  Hamas insists that ..................

An Orwellian nightmare of a constant state of war - no one even remembering who is fighting whom and why.  And of course the civilians suffer everywhere.  And the amount of money that goes into these weapons and counter weapons.  Imagine if that money were spent on peacetime pursuits like education, public health, the environment -  just imagine.

One thing that does sustain me are the demonstrations for solidarity in Israel.  They are loud and ongoing - just maybe - one day - the voices of cooperation will be heard.

I Cannot be Silent

 How many days has it been since the most recent eruption of horror and violence and tragedy in Israel and in Gaza? 

How many days? How many years? How many centuries? And all that happens is the weapons get worse, the defense systems break down - more people suffer. It gets worse and worse - this time the cities and villages inside Israel are burning.  Arabs and Jews are fighting in the streets.  It is likely that soon rockets will come from the north

As those of you who follow my blog know, I lived in Israel for years. You will also know that my husband was killed in the Yom Kippur War - so very long ago, in 1973.  Where are we now,  2021 - and no end in sight?

What you probably don't know is that as soon as I was told of my husband's death, I said to my mother - "women are suffering and crying in Israel, in Egypt, in Jordan. If only I could contact them."  I felt then, as I do now - a helpless pawn, and that suffering is the same for everyone.

In America I was active in an Israeli peace organization, and went on a speaking tour around the country with an Israeli soldier who opposed the occupation.  I have always opposed the occupation - for the very reasons that we now see happening.   And the Intifaders before then. Occupiers cannot occupy without becoming morally corrupt - this occupation continues to corrupt old an young, civilian and soldier alike.  Like a boil it festers and hurts, and erupts. History has shown that a people cannot be occupied/oppressed forever.

And even now, in the midst of all this I receive notices of demonstrations being called in Arabic and Hebrew - to show solidarity. The photos of my Israeli facebook friends are now framed in signs in Arabic and Hebrew, "I stand in solidarity." 

Many years ago, eons maybe, I traveled around Europe.  In Copenhagen I went to an exhibition of something or other that I no longer remember - but I do remember a slogan.

"Co-existence or No existence."

And here is beloved Mt. Tabor again, the fields of Ein Dor set aflame.

My Crazy Circles

 Today, as I did my crazy circles, I went over the past year while walking round and round and round.

Just after lockdown began last year, in March, I began my walks around my neighbourhood.  My really lovely semi urban hood. As I learned the different paths and windy streets of the hilly area, I marveled at the unimpeded views of the Bay and San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Marin Headlands. I enjoy the changing of the seasons displayed in lovely gardens  and tree lined streets.I  feel blessed indeed to have this at my feet, so to speak.  In my wanderings  last year I also discovered a track nearby and have blogged about it.  I still go there, especially when there is inclement weather.  Somehow I find the walking round and round and round very soothing.  I don't have headphones, I don't listen to podcasts, books, or music. Round and round I go looking at the asphalt move under my feet.  The grassy area is well maintained and lovely trees surround the field. I have met masked walkers and dogwalkers and ball players and skateboard folks and workout fanatics and new parents pushing strollers and we greet each other from correct social distances.  Nice to see humans still out there. There was a time last year when even the field was closed to us.  Then when it reopened we couldn't go at all because of the smoke from the fires. That lasted longer than the total lockdown.

Today I went because it is much cooler than it has been and tomorrow I have cataract surgery, and, as I said, the circles calm me. 

Now here's the thing, cataract surgery is not uncommon, probably one of the most common surgeries for the aging population, along with hip and knee replacements.  However, I have glaucoma and have had several eye surgeries - trabulectomies they are called.  Apparently this makes the cataract surgery somewhat more complicated. So round and round and round I go.  I trust my surgeon, I trust my crazy circles.  And, hopefully, I will see my beautiful surroundings more clearly. 

Random thoughts, unrelated to pandemics

 

What have these two pictures to do with my thoughts.  I will tell you.

I grew up in Johannesburg - no mountains, no rivers.  The minedumps are what constitute my memories. Large flat topped gold/sandy dust covered enormous dumps.  Flying in years later I saw them  covered in sparse patches of green grass.  

Years later I lived on Kibbutz Ein Dor situated in the Jezreel Valley - the lower Galilee. Mt. Tabor is in the above photos.  Wherever I went on the kibbutz, from my cottage to the fields, to the dining room, to the childrens' houses - Mt. Tabor was always smiling on us, always there - a Mona Lisa.  The Arab Village of Daburiyah  nestles around her feet.  A road winds up to a monastery and the Church of the Transfiguration.  It is here that Devorah the prophetess promised victory over Sisera. It is near Nazareth, and quite close to Tiberias. (Everything in Israel is quite close.) Sitting in the gardens of a kibbutz house one looks out at the glorious Jezreel Valley, a patchwork of fields, dotted with settlements. Gentle rolling hills in the spring covered in green and lupine, red poppies, an abundance of flowers, pink and white almond blossoms. Followed by  the comes the season of platinum and gold.  Fields of wheat and sorghum.  Then the harvest and the brown earth.  And always, there is Mt. Tabor.

And the above, the view from my back door.  Mt. Tamalpais.  Always there, sometimes a sharp silhouette, sometimes enshrouded,  always breathtaking sunsets.  There, ever present, blessing us with her presence. The Sleeping Lady, sacred and holy land to many Native American Tribes. A Mountain of legends and beauty.  She has sustained me throughout this strange time.l

As I walked on my crazy circles today, my settled on these two most precious and special mountains that have graced my life. And for them, I give thanks

Exactly One Year

 Last year - 2020, March 10 fell on a Tuesday.  I am not some kind of savant who remembers the days and dates, but this I do remember.  I was in my Art workshop that Tuesday and I distinctly recall telling the members that I had a ticket for Hamilton that evening.  By this time we all knew of this corona virus and we were unclear as to what to believe, and what is the correct protocol for using BART, going to the theater etc.  After much deliberation I decided to go. I took BART into the city - the theater was packed with an enthusiastic audience.  I thoroughly enjoyed the evening, and was so pleased I went.  The very next day public gatherings were forbidden.  I did blog about this a year ago.

Now I am 2 days before my second shot.  Then I have 2 weeks to remain protected, then apparently it will be safe to be inside with people who have been vaccinated. We can even remove our masks.  As I wrote in previous entries, I am not singing woo hoo and ditching my mask and hand sanitizers, nor my caution that has been drilled into me for a year.  I am also not hopping on a plane or planning wild vacations.

I know this pandemic is not over, and oddly, I am by now quite used to staying at home. I attend zoom groups and classes, and am quite relieved not to have to drive anywhere, look for parking etc. 

I suppose it will be like first putting my foot in to test the water.  First one toe, then another.  Maybe the whole foot, followed by the other.  Wading out, not yet fully submerged.  Then perhaps, with caution, eventually, one deep breath and under the water I go.

Let's see.

Almost a Year

 Firstly, many thanks to those who have commented.  I have not yet discovered how to reply to comments - it took me years to tell people how to reply.  The other thing I have not yet discovered is how to alert followers that there is a new entry.

Johana, as always, thanks so much for your insightful comments, and what you said about receiving the vaccine. And to Hopeful, I am aware of the experiments done on black people.  Years ago I worked for Contra Costa County in home health.  We would get new referrals to patients in our weekly meetings. I remember an 80 year old man being referred, and one of his diagnoses was syphilis.  Immediately a nurse who was present asked where he was born and she told us of the Tuskegee experiment. (In fact, he was from Tuskegee).  I remember how shocked and saddened I was to hear about this. Also, Johana writes about Henrietta Lacks, and the ongoing importance of her cell line.  

This is the dark side of medical experimentation.  And yes, learning about the covid vaccines and their affects and efficacies will be ongoing for a very long time.

After my previous blog about not experiencing any side effects other than a desire for Diet Coke, a strange thing happened.  Eight days after the vaccine while on a walk I felt my arm itching at the site of the vaccine.  It was also somewhat painful.  I paid no attention, thinking it must be a mosquito bite.  The pain and itching continued. While toweling myself dry a day later I saw that my arm was swollen and very red. It looked like a dark red rash in the swollen area. It was also hot to touch.  I was really surprised, because I realised it must be from the vaccine, and it was by now 10 days later!  An internet search revealed a surprise - I was not the first to develop "Covid Arm" 10 days after the first shot.  For a few days I was quite lethargic and experienced some unpleasant gastric disturbances.  Go figure ......

I am fine again, and receive my second shot on March 13.  On the advice of answers to FAQ I will get the shot in my right arm this time. 

The Vaccine

 Today I joined the burgeoning multitude.  I had my first shot of the Moderna vaccine.

I stood in the 1.20 p.m. line.   This, I thought to myself, must be what it is like at Lourdes. The very old, the misshapen, the bent, the lame, those on wheelchairs,  those with canes, those pushing walkers.  Black people, brown people, yellow people, white people, all with a shared purpose - hopefully to evade the clutches of the virus that has changed our lives.

I feel there appear to be two streams of thought.   Those who place absolute faith in science and statistics, and the others -  the anti-vaxers. 

As I have written in previous entries, it is really difficult, if not impossible,  for us to grasp that our lives, or rather, our lives as we knew them, have irrevocably changed. It is almost a year now and what was really strange is now a way of life. We wear masks, We do not go to gyms, to theaters, to cinemas, to restaurants, to shops, we hardly socialise.  Zoom has found its way into our lives.  We learn languages, do yoga, paint, draw, analyze our psyches, learn to fix cars, whatever it is, on zoom. The world of science fiction is here.

I feel that I hover between these two opposing streams.   I don't feel science is invincible.   I don't feel we have all the answers and the genius to do and solve everything.   This virus is new, and it is doing what it must do, it is mutating.  We are learning about it every day as it continues to evolve.  Although I don't think the vaccine will change our lives, of course I will have it,  So today I drove to Contra Costa College. This is an area I worked in for years, but haven't been this way in quite a while.  The trees clad in their pink blossoms line El Portal Avenue, making the drive quite pleasant.

I had the vaccine, and have an appointment for the second shot.  So far I feel fine - I don't even have a sore arm, although I realise this can still happen,  But do I feel that my life will change?  No, not at all.  Has the virus been vanquished - no.  It is mutating, as viruses do, it is here among us, and we have to learn to live with it. Vaccine or not, we have to be careful that  we will not get infected, and that we don't pass it on to someone else.

That is our life now, along with masks, social distancing,  and zoom.