Fullness of Time

If there are any of you readers who have followed me from when I began this blog, you will know that I began it after my book Tree Barking: A Memoir, was published. At speaking events I was asked whether I would continue writing about my work. At the suggestion of a publisher, I began this blog in 2009, and have continued posting even though I 'retired' from this work in 2015.

When I first began work in early intervention in 2003 it was in the good old days before all the cuts in services had begun. I worked as an Occupational Therapist in the homes of high risk infants. I worked with the infants twice or even three times a week until they turned three, at which time they entered the school system.

In those days of plenty, high risk referred to any infant who had a low birthweight, or was born prematurely, who was at risk because of their environment, or who were diagnosed with any number of chromosomal abnormalities, syndromes, and so on. (If you have questions about this, please let me know.)

The work was both extremely gratifying, challenging, difficult, and frustrating.

It happened that in 2003 I was referred, amongst many other cases, to two micropreemie girls. These girls were born in the same month, in the same year, both in the city of Richmond, both from African American families. They were both born at just six months of age, and both weighed just one pound! Of course they remained in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit until they reached full term. Both of them suffered from all the problems of extreme prematurity, ranging from retinopathy of prematurity, breathing and heart problems, neurological disturbances, feeding difficulties, necrotizing enterecolitis, on and on. Each came with a page of illnesses they had both, rather miraculously, overcome. While they were hospitalized they overcame life threatening events. These girls never knew each other, and still don't. I entered their lives at a fragile time in their homes. Such births and difficulties place enormous stress on families.

It didn't take long before I was hopelessly in love with both of these tiny, fragile little creatures. Because I was there twice a week, in their homes, I became part of their families. I was witness to parental struggles and separations, emotional and financial difficulties, as well as truly awful life shattering events. One of the fathers was killed, and the other was incarcerated for 12 years at the time when his little daughter was getting to know him.

I was witness to the strong bonds of love and loyalty between the family members. I was in awe of both grandmothers who had worked and survived against all the crushing obstacles they had faced. I became like a member of the family, but all the while I knew that when they turned three, both in the same month, I would no longer see them.

Their mothers and grandmothers really worked hard with these fragile infants who quite quickly began to catch up to typically developing children. In fact, I realised that both these li'l things were quite exceptional.

From the time they turned two and a half I began telling them, as I told every child I worked with, whether their parents thought they would understand or not, that when they turned three I would no longer be seeing them. I was obviously a big part of the childrens' lives, devoting a full hour twice a week to be with them. They enjoyed my undivided attention,
and of course were most delighted to see me with my large black canvas bag of 'tricks,' (the toys and books I brought to them. They received me with delight and cried when I left, although I assured them I would be back soon. I never wanted to just stop seeing a child and never return. I told them that I would not be coming because they were doing very nicely, and were going on to new things. I told them I would always carry them in my heart.

This was, indeed the case. Thanks to social media I have remained in touch with their mothers over the years. And I mean years. These young ladies are 18 years of age and have both graduated. I was invited to their graduation ceremonies and festivities.

Over the past two weekends I have been out with both of these 'girls.' I was beyond thrilled to reconnect with them and their families and was received with the warmest of embraces from all members of the family. They have both done so incredibly well, and have blossomed into really delightful, insightful, thoughtful, intelligent beings.

It is so gratifying to me that we continue to share a warm and loving bond, and I am now watching them spread their wings and fly.