Saturday morning. I am drinking coffee. The radio is in the background while I read the SF Chronicle online.
I vaguely hear the tail end of an interview with a woman writer - something about coming to America to begin again.
Apparently her book is based on this, but I am too late to hear her name, or the name of her book. Of course I could go online to check, but I don't. I feel a tingling in my nervous system, this remark has deeply impressed me.
I was in Montreal for 5 days last week - (more about that later.) There I was faced with the inevitable question from new extended family members.
"Why America? Why California?"
Of course I have thought about this for the last almost 40 years! I have dreamed about it, written about it, discussed it extensively, spent a long time in therapy. And of course I have many ideas, theories, thoughts, but something about the term "reinvention" touches a nerve. I don't think that thought ever came into my conscious mind! How odd, it must have always been there, percolating, simmering, bubbling, but it is in this moment, this morning, that it feels like it has surfaced.
People come to America to begin again, to reinvent themselves. I came to shed the identity both of being married and being widowed so shortly afterwards. I came to form a new identity as a young, single woman. One with enough courage and sense of adventure to begin a completely new life. (Of course I did not feel at all courageous - this is in hindsight.)
If my first pregnancy had not ended in a miscarriage I would have been the mother of an infant when the war began. If my second pregnancy had not ended in a miscarriage as well, I would have been seven months pregnant.
From 2 o' clock on Yom Kipur on October 6, 1973 a new life began for me. I am sure if I had been a mother I would have stayed on in Israel and probably would have remarried, but I was no longer a mother, or a married woman.
But it never consciously occurred to me that I came here to reinvent myself.
Saturday, July 21, 2018
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Heartsick
I find it so difficult to put my thoughts to paper when so much is happening, so fast. The news is almost too much to bear. Everyone I know keeps repeating, 'this is unbelievable.' We had better believe it, because it seems as if it is only going to get much worse.
Children ripped away from their parents. I saw a photo of rosaries that have been taken from those trying to come in. Parents being accused of smuggling in babies just to get in. Animals, murderers, rapists.
Words to stir up fear and hatred.
And now the supreme court upholding his travel ban. OMG. Knocking down labor unions, Kennedy resigning.
No end.
Thank goodness for the World Cup, but that will be over soon.
Children ripped away from their parents. I saw a photo of rosaries that have been taken from those trying to come in. Parents being accused of smuggling in babies just to get in. Animals, murderers, rapists.
Words to stir up fear and hatred.
And now the supreme court upholding his travel ban. OMG. Knocking down labor unions, Kennedy resigning.
No end.
Thank goodness for the World Cup, but that will be over soon.
Monday, May 21, 2018
Thoughts
I write as if everyone knows the things I am refering to.
HWSNBN is the 45th Potus.
The DSM is the Diagnostics and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders used by mental health practicioners in the USA.
PID is my definition - Post Israel Depression
It is something I experience every time I return from Israel. I am not alone - it is something all my friends who either were born in Israel, or who lived there for a long time, experience on their return.
It is a mixture of the shock of moving from one culture to another. Leaving one's family and friends behind, even though one has family and friends here. I think plane travel is really not normal. It is of course, expedient, convenient, relatively fast. I am not suggesting we return to steam ships or trains! But it is strange that we enter a tube which hurtles through space, and within a relatively short while one steps into a totally different climate, culture, way of being in the world, way of looking at the world, way of experiencing the world. Different language, currency, food, to which we acclimatise remarkably quickly.
I may have written this before, but here goes again. I waa listening to a program on NPR in which the interviewer was asking questions of men who had returned from Everest. The men said they wanted to get to the summit as quickly as possible. Of course they were accompanied by Sherpas who, to their dismay, insisted on resting, and not ascending immediately. They did this all the way to the top. When they asked the Sherpas why they wouldn't hurry their answer was that they were waiting for their souls to catch up. To me this exactly defines foreign travel. I am disoriented and 'out of sync' for quite a while, on either side. I think the definition of jetlag is in fact, a period of waiting for one's soul to catch up.
So here I am, back in the States. Another world, another culture, another reality. One of the reasons I return to Israel at this time is because it is Memorial Day. I lost my husband in the 1973 Yom Kipur War. A long time ago, decades ago, lifetimes ago, and yesterday, and today.
I cannot go every year at this time, but this year I did.
The evening of Memorial Day is a somber time of ceremonies. There is a national ceremony that takes place in Jerusalem and is of course seen on TV stations throughout the country. There is an alternative ceremony that has been taking place for at least 13 years now. It is for Jewish and Palestinian Israelis together. For all the victims of the wars, the terrorist attacks, the suicide bombs, the tragedies that continue all the time. I really wanted to go to this ceremony because I strongly feel that we are all in this together.
I was pleased that my sister and brother-in-law also wanted to attend, as did many of my friends. The ceremony was held in Gan Hayarkon in Tel Aviv. I won't describe it all, because one can read about it, and the other ceremonies. For me it was a very special occasion of communal grief, understanding, brotherhood (of course I also mean sisterhood). It was attended by at least 7,000 people. David Grosman ended the evening with a powerful speech. He spoke for all of us there, in his eloquent, articulate, and gracious manner.
What horrified me was what happened before we walked in to the ceremony. It was night time, and as we approached the security gates I heard shrieks and whistles. Men, they looked young, approached us, calling us whores and bitches. "Motherfuckers". "you deserve to die" "we can spit at you and throw stones at you," "traitors", they did in fact spit. They threw things. We continued to walk quietly, and didn't look at them.
Police were present, some on horseback. During the ceremony these young men revved their motorbikes and blew on vuvuzelas, trying unsuccessfully to drown out the speakers and the choirs. It was deeply unsettling. How universal bigotry and hatred are. Other than hearing Hebrew we could have been in the States, in South Africa, in Germany, anywhere.
But that feeling was not what I walked away with. I walked away with a warm feeling inside, that despite everything, there are still people who want to live together.
HWSNBN is the 45th Potus.
The DSM is the Diagnostics and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders used by mental health practicioners in the USA.
PID is my definition - Post Israel Depression
It is something I experience every time I return from Israel. I am not alone - it is something all my friends who either were born in Israel, or who lived there for a long time, experience on their return.
It is a mixture of the shock of moving from one culture to another. Leaving one's family and friends behind, even though one has family and friends here. I think plane travel is really not normal. It is of course, expedient, convenient, relatively fast. I am not suggesting we return to steam ships or trains! But it is strange that we enter a tube which hurtles through space, and within a relatively short while one steps into a totally different climate, culture, way of being in the world, way of looking at the world, way of experiencing the world. Different language, currency, food, to which we acclimatise remarkably quickly.
I may have written this before, but here goes again. I waa listening to a program on NPR in which the interviewer was asking questions of men who had returned from Everest. The men said they wanted to get to the summit as quickly as possible. Of course they were accompanied by Sherpas who, to their dismay, insisted on resting, and not ascending immediately. They did this all the way to the top. When they asked the Sherpas why they wouldn't hurry their answer was that they were waiting for their souls to catch up. To me this exactly defines foreign travel. I am disoriented and 'out of sync' for quite a while, on either side. I think the definition of jetlag is in fact, a period of waiting for one's soul to catch up.
So here I am, back in the States. Another world, another culture, another reality. One of the reasons I return to Israel at this time is because it is Memorial Day. I lost my husband in the 1973 Yom Kipur War. A long time ago, decades ago, lifetimes ago, and yesterday, and today.
I cannot go every year at this time, but this year I did.
The evening of Memorial Day is a somber time of ceremonies. There is a national ceremony that takes place in Jerusalem and is of course seen on TV stations throughout the country. There is an alternative ceremony that has been taking place for at least 13 years now. It is for Jewish and Palestinian Israelis together. For all the victims of the wars, the terrorist attacks, the suicide bombs, the tragedies that continue all the time. I really wanted to go to this ceremony because I strongly feel that we are all in this together.
I was pleased that my sister and brother-in-law also wanted to attend, as did many of my friends. The ceremony was held in Gan Hayarkon in Tel Aviv. I won't describe it all, because one can read about it, and the other ceremonies. For me it was a very special occasion of communal grief, understanding, brotherhood (of course I also mean sisterhood). It was attended by at least 7,000 people. David Grosman ended the evening with a powerful speech. He spoke for all of us there, in his eloquent, articulate, and gracious manner.
What horrified me was what happened before we walked in to the ceremony. It was night time, and as we approached the security gates I heard shrieks and whistles. Men, they looked young, approached us, calling us whores and bitches. "Motherfuckers". "you deserve to die" "we can spit at you and throw stones at you," "traitors", they did in fact spit. They threw things. We continued to walk quietly, and didn't look at them.
Police were present, some on horseback. During the ceremony these young men revved their motorbikes and blew on vuvuzelas, trying unsuccessfully to drown out the speakers and the choirs. It was deeply unsettling. How universal bigotry and hatred are. Other than hearing Hebrew we could have been in the States, in South Africa, in Germany, anywhere.
But that feeling was not what I walked away with. I walked away with a warm feeling inside, that despite everything, there are still people who want to live together.
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Another Shooting
Despite HWSNBM's thoughts and prayers, and suggestions of fully armed teachers, etc. yet another school shooting - in Texas. 10 killed.
I wrote that yesterday, it is now yhe day after and this tragedy has hardly hit the headlines, superseded by the Royal Wedding. I am waiting for the students to continue their fight for bans on assault weapons and against gun violence. I know they will.As I have written before, I just do not understand the need for weapons and the need to slaughter each other. I don't understand it on any level. It is all around us, in Syria, in Israel, in Africa, in Asia. I retreat more and more from this reality which surrounds us.
And in answer to your unspoken query, yes, I have returned from my travels.
I was in Israel and I returned on April 27th, and am going through the attendant PID - Post Israel Depression. I really think this should be in the DSM. Maybe it applies to everyone who lives in one country, but was born and raised in another country, or who lived for any appreciable length of time in yet another country! This ambivalence or trivalence (if there is such a word - if not there should be) is not unique to me, and it is something I have grappled with for years upon years. Where is one's home? or what constitutes home?
No answers to anything, but I am back again, and shall continue with my occasional blog entry.
I wrote that yesterday, it is now yhe day after and this tragedy has hardly hit the headlines, superseded by the Royal Wedding. I am waiting for the students to continue their fight for bans on assault weapons and against gun violence. I know they will.As I have written before, I just do not understand the need for weapons and the need to slaughter each other. I don't understand it on any level. It is all around us, in Syria, in Israel, in Africa, in Asia. I retreat more and more from this reality which surrounds us.
And in answer to your unspoken query, yes, I have returned from my travels.
I was in Israel and I returned on April 27th, and am going through the attendant PID - Post Israel Depression. I really think this should be in the DSM. Maybe it applies to everyone who lives in one country, but was born and raised in another country, or who lived for any appreciable length of time in yet another country! This ambivalence or trivalence (if there is such a word - if not there should be) is not unique to me, and it is something I have grappled with for years upon years. Where is one's home? or what constitutes home?
No answers to anything, but I am back again, and shall continue with my occasional blog entry.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Away
Hi there - to anyone who reads this.
A brief entry to say I will be away for the next 5 weeks, and doubt whether I will make an entry.
Be well, and I shall post something on my return.
A brief entry to say I will be away for the next 5 weeks, and doubt whether I will make an entry.
Be well, and I shall post something on my return.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Tipping Point
I am NOT writing this piece to change anyone's mind.
I AM writing it to vent - to attempt to manage my grief, my anger, my feelings of depression and utter hopelessness at the absolute insanity of these mass shootings. At the senseless loss of young lives because of bullets. And for the lives that have maybe not been lost, but suffer guilt for the very reason that they were not mowed down. For the bodies that have become incapacitated, paralyzed, the minds that have been traumatized, for ever. The horror of these shootings NEVER goes away, yet the headlines vanish almost instantly.
When will the people of America reach a tipping point - when will they come out loud and strong and clear, when will they shout out - NO MORE GUNS.
The hypocrisy of that man who says 'our thoughts and prayers are with you.' Bullshit - they never were and never will be.
And the mentally ill are blamed.
And the FBI are blamed.
And the school security is blamed.
And the parents are blamed.
And the students are blamed.
And the teachers are blamed.
Everything outside guns and ammunition is blamed.
I have said this before - THIS is terrorism - what is terrorism but to create terror? We do not need to seal our borders or blame immigrants.
The enemy is us. And we are also the ones who can stop this. By shouting out - NO MORE to the NRA and their money. To the scared and angry white men (sorry, white man, but this is what you have created).
And you have the gall to call ourselves a civilized nation.
And did anyone see 60 Minutes last Sunday?(before the most recent school shooting.) A law is going through congress which will allow anyone who has a gun license to take that gun with them wherever they go in America. For example, in Montana one is allowed to carry an unconcealed weapon. If someone from Montana decides to visit New York, or California, or any other state which does not have those laws, they can take their weapons with them. As one 'pusher' who was interviewed said - "It is the same as having a driving license. As long as one has a licence they can drive anywhere." I apologise for not quoting this segment exactly. It is always hard for me to repeat these interviews and shows in an articulate fashion, but do check 60 Minutes - I am not mad. These were supposedly sane individuals being interviewed.
Studies have been done on Palestinian children, Israeli children, Irish children, South American children, Afghani children, South African children, Syrian children, Mohingya children. There have been studies on the consequences of violence on children in the inner cities in America. I think by now these can be expanded to all the children of America. not just those in the inner cities.
It was found that the ones who fare the least well are those in the inner cities (and now expand it) because there is NO reason for the violence. Many family lives are no longer intact, and there is no hope. In most other countries there is always hope; that the 'good' or 'bad' side will survive (this depends on which side you are on, the 'good' or the 'bad.')
This does not hold true for the children of America. This is a nation growing up without hope. We see the consequences daily.
ENOUGH.
I AM writing it to vent - to attempt to manage my grief, my anger, my feelings of depression and utter hopelessness at the absolute insanity of these mass shootings. At the senseless loss of young lives because of bullets. And for the lives that have maybe not been lost, but suffer guilt for the very reason that they were not mowed down. For the bodies that have become incapacitated, paralyzed, the minds that have been traumatized, for ever. The horror of these shootings NEVER goes away, yet the headlines vanish almost instantly.
When will the people of America reach a tipping point - when will they come out loud and strong and clear, when will they shout out - NO MORE GUNS.
The hypocrisy of that man who says 'our thoughts and prayers are with you.' Bullshit - they never were and never will be.
And the mentally ill are blamed.
And the FBI are blamed.
And the school security is blamed.
And the parents are blamed.
And the students are blamed.
And the teachers are blamed.
Everything outside guns and ammunition is blamed.
I have said this before - THIS is terrorism - what is terrorism but to create terror? We do not need to seal our borders or blame immigrants.
The enemy is us. And we are also the ones who can stop this. By shouting out - NO MORE to the NRA and their money. To the scared and angry white men (sorry, white man, but this is what you have created).
And you have the gall to call ourselves a civilized nation.
And did anyone see 60 Minutes last Sunday?(before the most recent school shooting.) A law is going through congress which will allow anyone who has a gun license to take that gun with them wherever they go in America. For example, in Montana one is allowed to carry an unconcealed weapon. If someone from Montana decides to visit New York, or California, or any other state which does not have those laws, they can take their weapons with them. As one 'pusher' who was interviewed said - "It is the same as having a driving license. As long as one has a licence they can drive anywhere." I apologise for not quoting this segment exactly. It is always hard for me to repeat these interviews and shows in an articulate fashion, but do check 60 Minutes - I am not mad. These were supposedly sane individuals being interviewed.
Studies have been done on Palestinian children, Israeli children, Irish children, South American children, Afghani children, South African children, Syrian children, Mohingya children. There have been studies on the consequences of violence on children in the inner cities in America. I think by now these can be expanded to all the children of America. not just those in the inner cities.
It was found that the ones who fare the least well are those in the inner cities (and now expand it) because there is NO reason for the violence. Many family lives are no longer intact, and there is no hope. In most other countries there is always hope; that the 'good' or 'bad' side will survive (this depends on which side you are on, the 'good' or the 'bad.')
This does not hold true for the children of America. This is a nation growing up without hope. We see the consequences daily.
ENOUGH.
Monday, January 29, 2018
My present thoughts
Hi there. These are my chirpy musings for anyone who has been following some of my recent posts about being ill.
I am well aware that almost everyone I know, and those I don't know, have been ill, or are ill, this season. This despite the fact that people have received the flu vaccination, and/or have been boosting their immune systems with vitamin supplements, tinctures, elixirs, syrups, hand washing, avoiding contact with public places, and so on. A multitude of people beginning to live like Howard Hughes!
After my bout with pneumonia, I began acupuncture treatments. The acupuncturist told me that an unusually large amount of people had contracted pneumonia last summer.
So - I am going to go out on a limb with my musings.
It is my opinion that the immune system of our planet is depressed. It is impossible to separate ourselves from our environment, and our environment is ailing. The more we pollute our planet and destroy its natural healing ecosystems, the sicker we will all become.
This does not mean that I am about to embark on a totally dissolute non-caring path, but just to be aware that there are no miracle cures and instant fixes.
I am well aware that almost everyone I know, and those I don't know, have been ill, or are ill, this season. This despite the fact that people have received the flu vaccination, and/or have been boosting their immune systems with vitamin supplements, tinctures, elixirs, syrups, hand washing, avoiding contact with public places, and so on. A multitude of people beginning to live like Howard Hughes!
After my bout with pneumonia, I began acupuncture treatments. The acupuncturist told me that an unusually large amount of people had contracted pneumonia last summer.
So - I am going to go out on a limb with my musings.
It is my opinion that the immune system of our planet is depressed. It is impossible to separate ourselves from our environment, and our environment is ailing. The more we pollute our planet and destroy its natural healing ecosystems, the sicker we will all become.
This does not mean that I am about to embark on a totally dissolute non-caring path, but just to be aware that there are no miracle cures and instant fixes.
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