Crazy Circles

Today while walking my crazy circles I contemplated the circular nature of all things, but most especially of my life at this time.  I HOPE this is a time that will pass.

My life  is circumscribed by putting drops in my eyes.   In my right eye I am now putting in drops 4 x day (three weeks ago it was 8 x day - so this is an improvement.). In both my eyes are different drops which I put in 4 x day.  I have now been prescribed yet more drops for my right eye, they will be coming in the mail and I think those will be 2 x day!  Thank goodness  I have Siri who dutifully reminds me of the times.  This routine doesn't leave much time for anything else.

I suffer from chronic glaucoma.  I wouldn't normally say suffer, but that is how I am presently feeling. I have had several surgeries in both eyes - (and learned a new vocabulary) - trabulectomies and blebs were words I didn't know.  And now even a new frustration with this.  I am addicted to the spelling bee in the New York Times and do it daily.  Finding words in 7 letters.  I often find bleb - but this is not considered a word by the powers that be (Sam Ezersky if you ever read this, please take note). 

In addition to the surgeries I have used drops and suffered a torture called needling.  And this continues and continues and continues, for the past 25 years! Round and round and round we go

A friend took me to my eye appt. at Kaiser the other day.  After we eventually found her car she drove around and around the parking structure unsure whether we would exit. (At least on this matter I could assure her that we would, eventually, get out. Just as soon as she completed her driving in circles.)

I love knitting.  My neighbourhood knitting shop re-opened a couple of weeks ago (yayyyyyyyy) and I purchased a lovely shawl pattern with yarn.  I was really excited at the thought of making gifts. Well, it is a pattern I am unfamiliar with - lace, and I have now started and ripped it out more times than I can even count. Round and round and round we go

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ceasefire ???????

Well, a ceasefire - another ceasefire - endless bloody ceasefires.   Both sides claiming victories - of what???????  No one has gained a thing.  Lives lost, buildings and homes destroyed - again.  And how long will this present ceasefire hold?  

I feel hopeless, as I did when this all began - both sides accusing the other of starting this latest round. Hamas sents its 4,000 and counting missiles first, but they insist Israel began this by stoking the unfortunate incidents on El Aksa.  These incidents, Israel insists were stoked by Hamas who wants to gain control of the West Bank and take over from Fatah.  Hamas insists that ..................

An Orwellian nightmare of a constant state of war - no one even remembering who is fighting whom and why.  And of course the civilians suffer everywhere.  And the amount of money that goes into these weapons and counter weapons.  Imagine if that money were spent on peacetime pursuits like education, public health, the environment -  just imagine.

One thing that does sustain me are the demonstrations for solidarity in Israel.  They are loud and ongoing - just maybe - one day - the voices of cooperation will be heard.

I Cannot be Silent

 How many days has it been since the most recent eruption of horror and violence and tragedy in Israel and in Gaza? 

How many days? How many years? How many centuries? And all that happens is the weapons get worse, the defense systems break down - more people suffer. It gets worse and worse - this time the cities and villages inside Israel are burning.  Arabs and Jews are fighting in the streets.  It is likely that soon rockets will come from the north

As those of you who follow my blog know, I lived in Israel for years. You will also know that my husband was killed in the Yom Kippur War - so very long ago, in 1973.  Where are we now,  2021 - and no end in sight?

What you probably don't know is that as soon as I was told of my husband's death, I said to my mother - "women are suffering and crying in Israel, in Egypt, in Jordan. If only I could contact them."  I felt then, as I do now - a helpless pawn, and that suffering is the same for everyone.

In America I was active in an Israeli peace organization, and went on a speaking tour around the country with an Israeli soldier who opposed the occupation.  I have always opposed the occupation - for the very reasons that we now see happening.   And the Intifaders before then. Occupiers cannot occupy without becoming morally corrupt - this occupation continues to corrupt old an young, civilian and soldier alike.  Like a boil it festers and hurts, and erupts. History has shown that a people cannot be occupied/oppressed forever.

And even now, in the midst of all this I receive notices of demonstrations being called in Arabic and Hebrew - to show solidarity. The photos of my Israeli facebook friends are now framed in signs in Arabic and Hebrew, "I stand in solidarity." 

Many years ago, eons maybe, I traveled around Europe.  In Copenhagen I went to an exhibition of something or other that I no longer remember - but I do remember a slogan.

"Co-existence or No existence."

And here is beloved Mt. Tabor again, the fields of Ein Dor set aflame.