738 Days

 

                                                                        

733 Days

 Yesterday marked exactly two years since the "Black Shabat" - the slaughter of the innocents.

Two extremely difficult years.  Two traumatic years. I find myself at some indescribable point - where I feel I cannot absorb much more. I do neither feel numb, nor necessarily depressed, more like a functioning zombie.

I went to Ein Dor for Yom Kippur and as ever it like being in a warm blanket  with friends in familiar surroundings.  The services were meaningful, my visit to the ever expanding ceremony comforting in its strange way. Everything familiar, and yet so very different. The bus ride is different - the Arab villages are now much larger. Afula is a growing town, with endless traffic, new aparatments and shopping centres everywhere.

On Yom Kipur we think of forgiveness, of morality, of justice?????

And now it is Succot - we are reminded that existence is temporary and impermanent - as if we are not reminded of this every minute of every day. 

And once again we wait for bated breath to hear whether the hostages will be released - exchanged for prisoners. Whether there will be a cease fire? And I think of the players in this 'deal' - Trump, Bibi, Hamas, Jared Kushner, Erdogan, The Quattaris, the Saudi Arabians, the Egyptians, Ben Gvir, Smotrich - THESE are the players - what on earth can we expect from this obscene theatre of the absurd?

And then last night the families of the hostages held their ceremony from Park Hayarkon in Tel Aviv, and we see the truly beautiful, brave, inspiring side of Israel.  The depth of the suffering. The need for this all to end - to rebuild, to return to the light and the truth.

Will this happen?

714 Days - Heading Toward Rosh Hashana

 

I took this photo of the squills which herald the coming of Autumn.  They arise on every hill and in every valley and on every patch of land.  It is the time of the bird migration,  as millions of different species make their way to Africa. Nature continues undeterred, despite the horrors caused by humans. We are heading toward Rosh Hashana - The New Year, which begins on the evening of September 22nd this year. The beginning of the days of awe, between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipur.  A time of repentance, of introspection, of prayer.  And here,  a continued time of war, war, and more war. The hostages are not back - the soldiers fight and are killed. The inhabitants of Gaza either remain in their battered city, or pay large sums of money to leave - where do they go?  As a nation we end another year of war, and move into the next year, there is no light, no hope. Despair. Grief. Anger. What a way to begin a new year.

700 DAYS

 700 DAYS. The incredulous is credulous.  The not possible is possible.  The unbelievable is believable. 

                                                         

                                                    The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction while, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand.

The Second Coming! Haradly are those words out

When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi

Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, 

Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it

Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.

The darkness drops again; but now I know

That twenty centuries of stony sleep

Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Written by Yeats in 1919 for another country, another land.  How prophetic for our sorry state as things fall apart.  How exact the words are for our times.  How very tragic.

What to Say?

Day 673.

Outside temperature is 33 centigrade, (about 95 fahrenheit).  Dew point is 65%.  It feels like it is about 38 degrees because of the heat load factor.  Oppressive.  What can it feel like in Gaza, either on the ground, or in the tunnels? No air conditioning there, not much water, no chance to get in the sea.  Hell on earth, hell below earth.

And the Cabinet has voted to conquer Gaza???????  I have nothing left to say.

As you know, I paint, and still am doing so.  I decided to try acrylics because I don't like the smell of the oil paint in my house, in which the windows are mostly closed, due to the air conditioning.  I also decided, for the first time, to copy an artist, because apparently this is good practice.  I found a painting of Edward Hopper's that I thought I would try.  It depicts a couple and their dog in their house.  The man sits on the doorstep, the woman is standing nearby, and their dog is playing in the ochre coloured grass.  There is a forest, or a wood, on the left side of the house.  I worked on this for a good few weeks.  Last week when I came to class I took it down from the top of the bookcase and stared at the painting.  The teacher said she really liked what I had done, and it is probably finished.  I looked at it in despair, and took out a pair of sharp scissors and cut it up.  In other words, I had a hissy fit, although I didn't say anything, I just slashed at it.  The teacher quietly asked whaat would make things better for me.  

I looked at her despairingly and said "bring back all the hostages, NOW, stop the fighting, end this futile war, feed everyone in Gaza, stop the insanity on the West Bank, "

Of course this whole incident had nothing to do with my attempt at copying Hopper.  But this is how I feel - DESPAIRING.

And this is what I did afterward.

656 Days

 It is 656 days since the horror of October 7th was visited upon us.  

I ask for any of you reading this, and who cares, to join us with your prayers. Tonight there will be massive demonstrations all over Israel, to demand an end to this war and that the hostages, dead and alive,  be brought back together.

Thank you.

Sadness

 I have been either avoiding, or unable - I am not sure which, to write a post. 

Today I sat in the events hall and listened to 'music from around the world,'  starting with klezmer from eastern europe.  The melodies brought tears to my eyes.  I felt a deep sadness.  Then I realized that this has been my main feeling since the 'ceasefire' of the war within a war.  

The first night I could resume my zoom yoga with my teacher from California without needing to head for the shelter, the class ended, as it always does, with final relaxation.  I began to sob uncontrollably, and remained, prone,  on my carpet, crying and exhausted,  drained.  The exhaustion has only just begun to dissipate, when, I forget which night, Wednesday or Thursday, I was deep in a dream when I was rudely awoken by the horrible rattlesnake warning alarm. It felt like part of the dream, a nightmare - I sat up and grabbed my phone - yes, a missile is on its way. I stumbled out of bed, rang my neighbour's buzzer and went off to the shelter. This time it was the Houthis.  Of course i couldn't get back to sleep afterward, just lay on my bed in a kind of numb trance.  Numb and sad, so very very sad. For all of us, for everyone.  Sad for all the young men being killed unnecessarily.  Sad for their families and friends, for us.  Sad for the people of Gaza - how can they be? - without homes, without shelters, food, water?  Their families being killed.  Sad for the Palestinians beaten to death by the settlers in the West Bank. Sad for the hostages and their families - how much longer can they endure this?  Sad for the people in Lebanon, and Iran.  Sad at how helpless we are to end this horror.  Sad for the destruction and degradation. How and when will this ever end?  645 days